he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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