I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
