Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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