After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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