I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
