i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
