i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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