I'm gonna have a badass scar
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize