I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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