It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
