i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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