My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
