Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
