Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
