i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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