Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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