Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
