adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
