His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
