My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize