I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
