do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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