Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
