Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All the doctor said was why
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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