just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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