That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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