So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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