Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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