i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
