I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
