if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
