rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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