"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He has the fingertips of a God
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