It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His nipple licking is glorious
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