Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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