tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
