he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
