Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize