The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
