So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
