who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
