Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
