It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
