If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
