He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
