Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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