She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
