you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
