buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
