So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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