meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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