Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
