I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
