I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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