i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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