Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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