it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
