ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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