i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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