i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize