we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Someone shattered a urinal.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
