I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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