So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
