OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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