I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
