I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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