wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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