Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
