My pussy is not your playground.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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