i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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