sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
