My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
