I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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