Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
