but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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