It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize