So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
