I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
