hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
