his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
