Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
