I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
