going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
