I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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