i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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