you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
