At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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