I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
