Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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