I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
