Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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