1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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