did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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