if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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