Umm I'm too high to move.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
