Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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