The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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